i'll learn by going

Good one, NBC

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 23:23:41 -0400

It’s like if the cameras had followed a guy on a fake handoff but OH SHIT THE OTHER GUY IS STANDING IN THE ENDZONE WITH THE SUPER BOWL WINNING TOUCHDOWN WAIT WHAT HAPPENED IS IT A TOUCHDOWN oh yes game over then.

I'm going to die

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:27:13 -0400

Charlie went out of town yesterday. Since then, I’ve

missed trash day
killed a giant Texas bug with a flyswatter. It broke in half, but then the top half continued to crawl across the kitchen floor
failed to remove the lid from a jar of wheat germ
cried some.

"A Dog’s Life" Shalom Auslander

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 11:38:02 -0400

"A Dog’s Life" Shalom Auslander:

Every morning, as the sun pours through my bedroom windows and spills across my bed, I awake, the promise of a new day stretching before me like a stupid thing that leads to some goddamn whatever.

Ugh, I think.

My head aches. My neck is stiff. My knees creak. But every morning, I make my way downstairs, and, rain or shine, cold or warm, I step outside, throw a leg over my bicycle, and head off for a ride.

It is the only way I have of clearing my head, of sweating out of myself whatever toxins I now regret having put into myself the evening before, of just, for a few blessed moments, not thinking. For a precious little while, every morning, I can forget about books, and writing, and the past, and the present, and the future; freedom, a true freedom, the freedom to be nowhere, to think of nothing but my breath and the road and the pedals under my feet.

And every morning, the same fucking dog chases me.

…

it stays forever

Fri, 21 May 2010 11:08:29 -0400

When I was a kid, I bit my tongue and made a big fuss about it while eating a tuna sandwich. My mum cackled and went, “Not enough meat in your sandwich?”

I still really like tuna, but this morning when I bit my tongue while eating oatmeal, I heard the cackle and felt as though someone was accusing me of trying to eat my own tongue.

Photo

Mon, 17 May 2010 08:29:23 -0400

rational concerns

Sun, 09 May 2010 22:44:35 -0400

I’ve received a series of really bizarre evaluations from one professor this semester, and today I finished my final project for him. I fell asleep earlier and dreamt that when I got it back, the only comments were

Lol, that was weird — 80.

Chad VanGaalen - Chronograph #1 We were rapping, we were...

Fri, 07 May 2010 13:00:26 -0400

Chad VanGaalen - Chronograph #1

We were rapping, we were rapping.

Need a bathing suit

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 16:35:53 -0400

Maybe don’t make me drop everything to go to Louisiana for a conference two weeks before the end of the semester if you’re going to get huffy every time I refer to it as “the all-inclusive vacation package that I won.”

Give a student coffee on tax day and they have coffee on tax day. Teach a student how to claim their...

Fri, 16 Apr 2010 23:25:37 -0400

Give a student coffee on tax day and they have coffee on tax day. Teach a student how to claim their tuition properly and they can buy their own goddamn coffee.

My colleague, who has a mohawk,

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 22:03:50 -0500

came up to me while I was standing outside and said, “Have you seen Yes Men?”

“You mean that Jim Carrey movie?”

“No, I mean the WTO protest piece.”

And then he died alone.

Jesus, the voices

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:19:55 -0500

I’ve looked at this from every possible angle, and the only way to get back at Charlie for watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” while I’m trying to grade papers is to puncture his eardrums with these knitting needles.

Why titles should mean stuff

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:36:39 -0500

I tried to watch “V” but it was about aliens.

Photo

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:08:24 -0400

Apparently Charlie and I have different ideas about what...

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:25:03 -0400

Apparently Charlie and I have different ideas about what “Pick up a funny mug for my boss” means.

There are some pretty cute ideas out there, but I think a good cereal company slogan would be,...

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:12:54 -0400

There are some pretty cute ideas out there, but I think a good cereal company slogan would be, “We have thoughtfully designed our bags to prevent them from splitting down the side when you open them!”

Wait a minute!

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 15:34:37 -0400

If filling up the gas tank while the car is turned on really makes it blow up, why don’t I hear about more cars exploding?

I’m 25.

Most of my epiphanies can be traced back to some lie my mum told me.

Ok, you got me

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:02:33 -0400

It’s time to pack it in and try again tomorrow when the student loan representative finally frustrates me into saying “irregardless.”

Pogo - Go Out and Love Someone

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 10:21:06 -0400

Pogo - Go Out and Love Someone

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty good at making...

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:19:20 -0400

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty good at making decisions.

Step 1: lose my shit.

Step 2: come up with several nightmare scenarios.

Step 3: ask Charlie.

Step 4: get annoyed with Charlie.

Step 5: settle on previously unexplored simple solution.

Peter Gabriel - Here Comes the Flood

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 16:27:19 -0400

Peter Gabriel - Here Comes the Flood