i'll learn by going

[…]

Apparently, the victim was playing with a box of matches at his residence in Williston late last night, when he accidentally burned himself and reacted suddenly by flailing his arms, causing a nylon windbreaker to fall from a couch onto a heating element. While the victim was soaking his finger in a mudbath and drinking several bottles of beer, the windbreaker became intensely hot, melting itself and starting the carpet on fire.

The fire spread quickly through the shoddy carpet. The apartment was equipped with smoke detectors, but the batteries had not been replaced since they were installed, and subsequently did not work.

For this reason, the victim did not notice the fire until it had charred most of his right leg. He then became alarmed and spilled his beer onto an electric outlet into which was plugged a free-standing halogen lamp. The liquid caused several sparks to erupt from the top of the lamp. These sparks then ignited the highly combustible tapestry cloth that was hanging directly above it, furthering the already blazing fire. Electrical shortages also spread throughout the victim’s apartment at a rapid pace, since the dwelling had not been re-wired or safety-inspected since 1956.

According to local fire authorities, the apartment burned to the ground before they even arrived. Several pets perished in the flames.

It didn’t end there, however. The victim, his right leg scorched and smoking, lurched out of his apartment just in time and headed for his vehicle, intending to find help. He neglected to look both ways before crossing the street, however, and was not wearing proper reflective equipment for being on the street at night. He was hit at least twice by passing cars.

[…]