My colleague, who has a mohawk,
came up to me while I was standing outside and said, “Have you seen Yes Men?”
“You mean that Jim Carrey movie?”
“No, I mean the WTO protest piece.”
And then he died alone.
Jesus, the voices
I’ve looked at this from every possible angle, and the only way to get back at Charlie for watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” while I’m trying to grade papers is to puncture his eardrums with these knitting needles.
Stupid idiot
If you think you’re a likable person, and you’re conducting a Saturday morning HR session, and you ask everyone to write down three words they want people to remember them by, but then you smile real big and go, “There are no wrong answers,” so someone writes down “caucasian and perseverent,” don’t be a dick about it.
Why titles should mean stuff
I tried to watch “V” but it was about aliens.
Get it together
Heart pounding. Hands shaking. Gearing up to confront my office mate about using my coffee mug after I specifically asked him not to. Ok. Ok. This is it. Here we go. Take a deep breath and DAMMIT CRABAPPLEZ STOP CRYING.
Apparently Charlie and I have different ideas about what “Pick up a funny mug for my boss” means.
There are some pretty cute ideas out there, but I think a good cereal company slogan would be, “We have thoughtfully designed our bags to prevent them from splitting down the side when you open them!”
Overwhelmed
with a capital holy fuck.
Wait a minute!
If filling up the gas tank while the car is turned on really makes it blow up, why don’t I hear about more cars exploding?
I’m 25.
Most of my epiphanies can be traced back to some lie my mum told me.
