Good one, NBC
It’s like if the cameras had followed a guy on a fake handoff but OH SHIT THE OTHER GUY IS STANDING IN THE ENDZONE WITH THE SUPER BOWL WINNING TOUCHDOWN WAIT WHAT HAPPENED IS IT A TOUCHDOWN oh yes game over then.
I’m going to die
Charlie went out of town yesterday. Since then, I’ve
- missed trash day
- killed a giant Texas bug with a flyswatter. It broke in half, but then the top half continued to crawl across the kitchen floor
- failed to remove the lid from a jar of wheat germ
- cried some.
"A Dog’s Life" Shalom Auslander
Every morning, as the sun pours through my bedroom windows and spills across my bed, I awake, the promise of a new day stretching before me like a stupid thing that leads to some goddamn whatever.
Ugh, I think.
My head aches. My neck is stiff. My knees creak. But every morning, I make my way downstairs, and, rain or shine, cold or warm, I step outside, throw a leg over my bicycle, and head off for a ride.
It is the only way I have of clearing my head, of sweating out of myself whatever toxins I now regret having put into myself the evening before, of just, for a few blessed moments, not thinking. For a precious little while, every morning, I can forget about books, and writing, and the past, and the present, and the future; freedom, a true freedom, the freedom to be nowhere, to think of nothing but my breath and the road and the pedals under my feet.
And every morning, the same fucking dog chases me.
it stays forever
When I was a kid, I bit my tongue and made a big fuss about it while eating a tuna sandwich. My mum cackled and went, “Not enough meat in your sandwich?”
I still really like tuna, but this morning when I bit my tongue while eating oatmeal, I heard the cackle and felt as though someone was accusing me of trying to eat my own tongue.
rational concerns
I’ve received a series of really bizarre evaluations from one professor this semester, and today I finished my final project for him. I fell asleep earlier and dreamt that when I got it back, the only comments were
Lol, that was weird — 80.
Chad VanGaalen - Chronograph #1
We were rapping, we were rapping.
Need a bathing suit
Maybe don’t make me drop everything to go to Louisiana for a conference two weeks before the end of the semester if you’re going to get huffy every time I refer to it as “the all-inclusive vacation package that I won.”
Give a student coffee on tax day and they have coffee on tax day. Teach a student how to claim their tuition properly and they can buy their own goddamn coffee.
My colleague, who has a mohawk,
came up to me while I was standing outside and said, “Have you seen Yes Men?”
“You mean that Jim Carrey movie?”
“No, I mean the WTO protest piece.”
And then he died alone.
